hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
you had me at cake vodka
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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