So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
