ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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