If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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