I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
