Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
My vagina is officially offended.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
