I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
