I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize