before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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