Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
