we have pet lesbian snakes
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
