Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
