Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
