My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
