I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
