Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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