I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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