I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
