we're blogging at a bar
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
