Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
