I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
