I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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