i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I puked a lego.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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