summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
