There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
