No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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