we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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