Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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