i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I booty called her while she was in labor.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
