I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
