He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize