no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
