why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
