Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
