I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
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