Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
