she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
