I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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