I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
