You're my little dorito
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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