He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
