now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
