four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
