cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
