Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I puked a lego.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
