i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
