shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
