Non-Jews are for practice
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
He has the fingertips of a God
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
