i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
