hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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