My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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