There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
