I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
