I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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