You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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