Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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