Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
