its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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