we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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