I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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