we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
