i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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