Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
