Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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