I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
