I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
