So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
