Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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