I'm so fucking centered right now
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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