Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
