i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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