Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
All I want is dick and wine.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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