@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
i need to put some appletini on your dick
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
